My 10 year anniversary!

2009 marks my tenth year anniversary for being a police officer. I started the police academy in 1999 with University City PD sponsoring me. What have I learned over the past 10 years? I have learned a lot and changed more than I ever could have imagined. I started off a very naive little girl who thought the world was just great and a happy place. How have I changed?
My first week on the job I had three people who died in auto fatalities, one of which was a 15 year old boy. I worked a shooting involving an officer and a car jacking suspect where my field training officer, another officer and myself found the suspect laying on the ground refusing to let go of his loaded weapon. I continued on with 9 weeks of field training where I worked two homicides, one of which I watched the young man die. I worked robberies, stolen autos, rapes, burglaries, shootings, and domestic violence cases. Over the course of my five years with U City I went on raids where I found drugs hidden in baby cribs, I've taken small children away from abusive parents while they were hysterically crying for their parents, I've watched people die, I went into scenes where I will never forget the horrible stench of rotten bodies, worked abusive cases where I pleaded for the person to leave and only to watch the abuse get worse with nothing I could do about it.
I then moved onto St. Peters where I have been for the last 5 years. I've pulled meth labs out of public parks, I worked high school hockey where these kids have no respect for anyone, I worked a suicide where I had to pull the family off of the body and try to calm them down while I hold back the tears, have had young kids having sex in the parks.
I have had two friends die in the line of duty and went to many other funerals of fellow officers who also lost their lives.
I've been bitten, kicked, punched, been so scared on calls that I would literally throw up afterwards, have had my life and families life threatened, have had more AIDS tests done (because of getting blood on me) than anyone should ever have their entire lives, have been put in the hospital three times.
Have I changed? I know I have lost any innocence I once had. I've aged well beyond my years. I can remember the academy staff telling my parents how much I will change being an officer and I thought to myself, yeah right! Sometimes I wish I could take it all back and choose a different career path so I would never have witnessed half of what I did. Its a very hard job with little pay and little respect. Officers used to be held with some respect, but it seems now people are more apt to tell you what you are doing wrong than to give you a pat on the back and tell you what you did right. I have definitely become colder to seeing things because that's how you have to be in this job. If you take anything to heart it will eat you alive. I learned that my first few months on the job where I used to have horrible nightmares and some nights I wouldn't sleep at all because of things I dealt with that day. I've worked accidents on nights so cold that my feet and hands would hurt so bad for hours afterwards that I would literally be in tears. I worked holidays, rotating shifts, extremely hot and cold days, rainy days, snowy days. I worked days where I would easily put in 20 hours working on a case. Was it worth it? I'm still debating that question. I know I have several years left before I can leave so we shall see what my next few years bring me.
Sorry this post isn't the most upbeat, but its really what the last 10 years are about. So maybe next time you are quick to judge an officers actions just try to put yourself in their shoes. We really aren't all bad people, just people who have seen everything!